Family & Church

Good morning. Welcome. Peter, one of the pastors here. 

We are in our last week of – Relationship Series. Jump back into the John series for the rest of the year starting next week. Invite you to join us for that.

Today – Family, Parenting, the Church. Cultures/Families – Different views. We need to align our lives around God’s Word regardless of who we are or where we’re from to thrive, flourish. Heavy on Scripture. Several places. 

Bibles. Screen. Let’s start from the very beginning…

Text: Gen. 1 ²⁷  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. ²⁸ And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion…

God is the Creator of all families. God gives mankind in the beginning – Creation Mandate: Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. To go and have families that have families that have families.

I know sometimes, the topic of family is a source of grief and conflict for many people. But families are created by God and a gift from God. Just as he created you purposefully, he placed you purposefully into your family. Not something we get to choose. Everyone has probably thought at least once in their life – I was born into the wrong family. – All kids – Into a rich/cool/normal family. But in God’s sovereignty, he created you and placed you where you need to be according to his wisdom.

Families are the God-ordained building blocks of communities. Multiplying families are how communities/societies are built. Different peoples with different skills and gifts working together for the welfare of the society. Why it’s considered a crisis for the population of a country to be in decline – it’s bad for many reasons like the economy, but ultimately it’s against the creation mandate and they will cease to exist in just a couple generations. 

But it’s just as devastating, if not more so, for nations to not know God because…Purpose: Of Families – Not just to multiply and fill the earth, that’s just the first part.) To worship God. To know him and love him. (Ge., Eph.) 

Eph. 3 ¹⁴ For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, ¹⁶ that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸ may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, ¹⁹ and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

God didn’t just create so we could do whatever we wanted but to be in loving relationship with him. To know and experience the love that has existed between the members of the Godhead – Father, Son, Spirit – (1 God, 3 Persons) for all of eternity. Because it is out of the overflow of that love that he created us in his image and likeness. And all the families of the earth, the nations, were created for this purpose.

Now to multiply and fill the earth, families need to have kids…And you see how everything ties together in God’s wonderful plan – God created man in his image to know and experience his love, and likewise, it is out of the loving relationship between a husband and wife that God ordains the fruit/overflow of that love – children.

So let’s talk some on parenting…The basic, most important principle about parenting is that…

Parenting is stewardship and discipleship. Let’s talk about how parenting is discipleship first…

Deut. 6:4-9 ⁴ “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ⁵ You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶ And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

In what is arguably the most, or one of the most, important verses in all of the OT – Parenting. To teach your children diligently to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Because that is what they were created for.

Your children weren’t given to you to accessorize your life or to entertain you or to raise them to value what you think – Education, Money, Career, Good Life. They were given to you to disciple towards the love of God.

Our children are our first mission field. Children – as cute as they are – aren’t born as Christians. Very quickly, it becomes evident that they’re all little sinners. (Mom) They may be born into Christian families who disciple them into becoming followers of God, Christians. But they’re not born that way. And my prayer is that all of our kids, not a single one would be lost, but all of them would know Jesus is Lord and Savior. I care about the nations that don’t know Jesus, but I care even more about our kids. So…

As a church we want to partner with you to raise the next generation for Christ – to love his church and be engaged in his mission. Kids ministry here – (KEY) Partners with you. Sundays cannot be the only time your kids are being discipled. Most of that work happens outside of the church in your homes. And then when you come here, we partner with you to encourage you and help you in that work.

You have to model it for them. Kids are great lie detectors. They can see when what you say doesn’t line up with what you do. They don’t always have the best memory. They forget a lot of things. But if you say something that doesn’t match your actions – Last year, you can have dessert on this date and time – they remember exactly. 

So if you say Jesus is the most important thing to you, your family, but actually live for your career, money, pleasure, for yourself, too busy to be involved in church – They’ll see what’s truly important to you and follow in your footsteps. Because that’s what you discipled them to do.

Parenting is stewardship. – Eph. 6:1-4/Ex. 20:12 ¹Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), ³ “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” ⁴ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

This verse is not a weapon to wield to control your kids but a stewardship to faithfully serve. – Discipline and instruction of WHO? The Lord, not you. You cannot miss this. Your kids – They’re not yours. They’re not for you. God didn’t give you kids to serve you or to live for your pleasure as if you’re God. Your kids belong to God. They’re his. And that means the primary goal for your kids is what God desires for them – Love God. Yes, more than you. To live for him.

Teach immediate and joyful obedience. As parents/stewards, you’re temporarily standing in and representing the authority of God. One day, they will outgrow and leave your authority. They will become adults and maybe have their own families. And be under God’s authority that you represented for a short while.

Not to exert your authority or power or control. But because you want to disciple your children that when God calls them to something, even if it’s hard even if that’s not what they want to do, they should respond with immediate and joyful obedience. (Delayed obedience, partial obedience, is disobedience.)

And when they don’t…(And they won’t…)

Discipline your kids. – Heb. 12:5-11 ⁵ And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. ⁶ For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” ⁷ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ⁸ If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. ⁹ Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? ¹⁰ For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. ¹¹ For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Prov. 13 ²⁴ Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

I’m not here to tell you how you should discipline. – Spank, time out, losing privileges, or whatever. Every family is different. Every kid is different. And kids at different ages need age appropriate discipline. But I know it needs to happen somehow. For me, growing up, I got all the above including good old fashioned OT style butt whoopings – needed.

Discipline because love demands it. Discipline is not punishment. (It’s not about inflicting pain out of anger.) Discipline is discipleship. It’s heart formation from love. Just as God does with us. God doesn’t discipline you because he doesn’t love you but because he does. If he doesn’t – we don’t actually belong to him. Illegitimate. 

So love enough to discipline your kids for their righteousness and holiness. Model the way God disciplines from love and grace and patience for the sake of your children becoming more like him. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to allow them to face the consequences of sin and walk with them through it.

Prov. 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Not a promise. Wisdom. Generally true. Parenting – hard/pressure. You will not be the perfect parent. You’re going to do a lot of things that are wrong. That’s ok. Our hope – God loves our kids a lot more than we do. God was the perfect Father – and his children still decided to walk away from him. But he’s so faithful to pursue them.

(Last) The goal of parenting is to send our children out.

Ps. 27 ³  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. ⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. ⁵ Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!

One day, like an arrow, you are going to send them out. Having discipled them up to love and follow God – send them out to faithfully live out, not your plans/hopes/dreams, but God’s calling for them.

Well, what if they’re not ready? That’s very possible. Humbly – it may be your fault. That you did not disciple them well. Unprepared. Overly dependent on you and not God. Listen, it is very possible to over parent, to over protect, and shelter your kids to their harm. Don’t suffocate and stunt their growth by holding on too long. No one wants to see their kids make mistakes. But sometimes, you have to let them. Transition from parental authority and protection to wise, trusted counselor and friend.

Trust – You’ve given them the foundation they need in Jesus. Hand them over to God to whom they belong. Trust God with your children, he’s much more faithful and a much more capable Father.

If you don’t have kids and you call this church your home, you’re a member here, congratulations you have kids in your life too. We need you. We need your help. You are vital to their spiritual growth. Research – Kids who have other trusted adults in their lives, who love them and pour into them, are much more likely to stay engaged in the church after they leave the home. Our kids need you. And that means parents, you need to have other people pouring into your kids. 

Biological/nuclear families are from God and are the building block of societies – worship. And families are to steward and disciple their kids and send them out to live for God. But, family is NOT the most important bond that exists. It’s meaningful for sure but not ultimate. End with this point: 

Earthly biological families are temporary. But the spiritual family, the church, is greater and is forever. Three passages from Rev…

Rev. 5 ⁹ And they sang a new song, saying, “Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, ¹⁰  and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,

and they shall reign on the earth.” ¹¹ Then I looked, and I heard around the throne and the living creatures and the elders the voice of many angels, numbering myriads of myriads and thousands of thousands, ¹² saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” ¹³ And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!”

Rev. 21 ²² And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. ²³ And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. ²⁴ By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, ²⁵ and its gates will never be shut by day—and there will be no night there. ²⁶ They will bring into it the glory and the honor of the nations. ²⁷ But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life.

Let me ask you – On what basis are there people from every nation and language in heaven? What do they have in common? And what are they doing? It’s Jesus, the Lamb. They’re all worshipping Jesus because they’ve all been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. The bond that gets us into heaven is blood, but it’s not familial. It’s Jesus’ blood. And that blood they have in common is deeper than their family bloodline. Their family bloodline is completely irrelevant. 

The spiritual church family, God’s family, is greater and it is eternal…Pick any member of your family – Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Husband, Wife, Son, Daughter, or whatever familial bond you think is greatest in this world – If they are not a believer, then you and I, as believers, have a bond that is deeper and greater than you have with them. Because the blood we share in common is greater – The blood of Jesus has made us forever family. We are brother and sister in Christ. Maybe you’re like, I don’t want to be that close or related to Ps. Peter. Well, too bad!

Jesus – Luke 14:25-27 ²⁵ Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, ²⁶ “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. ²⁷ Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.

Not literally. That would go against other scriptures. But in comparison. Your love for Jesus, allegiance, is so much greater that it looks like your love for even your family looks like hatred.

Believer: Engage in your church family. Invest and leverage your time, talent, and treasure for the building up of the church. 

Be in community in the church. Don’t just come and go on the weekends. Make deep relationships here – People to live life with. Everyone here doesn’t have to be your best friend. But the church is where your best friends should be.

Serve in the church. “I don’t get much out of it.” – Selfish. That’s kind of the point – You’re sacrificing for the sake of others for their benefit. If it was only for you, you’d just be serving yourself wouldn’t you? Use your gifts to serve others. And others will use their gifts to serve you.

Be present and make it a priority to be here on Sundays. HB Charles – “You never know which church service will change your life. But it won’t be the one you missed.” Not saying you shouldn’t ever miss church – Work, Sickness, Travel. But it should be a vital and important part of your life you prioritize being with your faith family. 

The nuclear family is not meant to be self contained/isolated. To be healthy, the family needs to be deeply tied into the church. Or it cannot be healthy. I’ve seen countless times nuclear families make terrible decisions. They’re in a bubble. You need other people in the church to speak into your life and you need spiritual authority and leadership.

Now, if you’ve never known your family or you’re estranged…maybe becoming a Christian has not been received well and you’ve essentially been disowned. You have family in God. You’ve been adopted by your Heavenly Father. And you have countless brothers and sisters in the church. You’re rich with family in the family of God.

Adoption – Biologically is not the only way to bring kids into your family. As Christians, we’re called to care for the orphans, the fatherless. Early Christians were known for this – They cared not only for the orphans in the faith community but their city. Adoption. Incredible testimony of their faith. 

Our family – It wasn’t part of our original plan. We thought we were done with 3. We didn’t want any more kids. But God obviously knew better and had different plans for us. It’s not easy. It doesn’t always feel worth it. But we do it to honor Christ. And regardless of how hard or how we feel, that is always worth giving our lives to. And God will always provide what you need to be faithful to what he has called you.

Ask: Will I love the adopted child as much as my biological ones? As my own? Legitimate question. And I can wholeheartedly tell you, yes. You will love them as much as your other kids, they bring as much joy, and they will test your patience just as much too. Our love is not based just on our blood connection but the love Christ has shown us, and that’s so much deeper and better than any love we could come up with on our own.

Not everyone will be called to it, but the people of God as a whole are. And so our church should be involved in caring for the orphans as the overflow of our faith…

As a picture of our adoption into the family of God…Our adoption as sons and daughters…You and I were orphans. Lost and in darkness without hope, without a future other than death. But God did not leave us there because God is a Father to the fatherless.

But there was a great cost to our adoption into God’s family – A Son would have to be rejected and cast out. For wayward, lost sons and daughters to be brought in. – Jesus would suffer and die the death we deserved for our sin, for rebelling against our heavenly Father, our Creator, and choosing to live for ourselves. He took our place. And he would give us his perfect relationship, his sonship, and righteousness so we can be restored back to God, adopted into his forever family as sons and daughters.

Creation Mandate to a new command: The Great Commission. Jesus last words of instructions to his disciples before ascending to heaven. Matt. 28:18-20 ¹⁸ And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Why we have to preach the gospel to all the families of the earth – the nations. It’s the only way to be saved and brought into the family of God – what they were created for. Doesn’t matter who they are, where they’re from. 

Jesus Christ is the one and only true God and Savior. Invites you into his family to experience his love for you. Cannot earn it. You don’t deserve it. Gift of love. Receive.